CURRENT TOPIC: New hope for 2013 (If there are specific topics that you want to read in the series, e-mail me to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Subscribe to Verse a Day at www.versndag.co.za)

DAY 16: NEW HOPE ... WITH BETTER RELATIONSHIPS

By Benescke Janse van Rensburg

February is known as the month of love. The dynamics of relationships (whether romantic or with your child, colleague or mother-in-law) however can at times be troublesome. Today I’m answering some questions on this topic readers have sent to me over the last couple of days:
QUESTION 1: “I am already 40 years old. Can I still hope to get a spouse?”

With God there is no expiration date to finding the right spouse. Abraham’s son, Isaac also was 40 years old when he married Rebecca (Genesis 24 and 25). Because a marriage takes work and God wants to make it easier for you, He will sometimes prepare your character first before sending you the right partner.

In Proverbs 3:5-6 we read: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” If you walk with God and acknowledge Him in your decision for a spouse, you can be sure that He will direct your steps.
Also, if you still have baggage from the past causing a blockage in your life, ask God to help you work through it. You never know, 2013 might just be the year in which He surprises you with that partner you have always dreamed of.

QUESTION 2: “What if I am married to an unbeliever?”
Have you ever seen an unbeliever come to salvation by you constantly nagging him or her? I haven’t. What I have seen is how God can supernaturally change lives the moment we start praying for those loved ones that do not yet know God. (This also applies to praying for rebellious children, grumpy colleagues or family members who do not know God.)

In 1 Peter 3:1-2 we read: “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives,  when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”
Instead of criticizing and fighting, rather start praying that God will do the work through his Spirit and focus on demonstrating God’s love through your actions. That might just make the world’s difference.

QUESTION 3: “Can a divorced person hope for a second chance on happiness in life?”
In Isaiah 1:18 we read: “‘Come now; let us settle the matter,’ says the Lord. ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.’” If God gave a murderer and a prostitute a second chance on happiness in life, who are we to say that He will not also give a second chance to someone whose first marriage did not work out?

READER 4: Is there practical advice to better relationships?
My guidelines come from 1 Corinthians 13:
1. Love is patient: Are you at all times patient with your spouse, your children and your colleagues or do you become irritated quickly?
2. Love is kind: Are you friendly even if you have all the reason in the world to become grumpy?
3. Love is not envious: Do you celebrate others’ success or do you become jealous?
4. Love does not demand it’s own way: Are you the most important person in your life or can you put others’ needs before your own?
5. Love is not easily angered: Do you get angry and annoyed at every little thing, or can you maintain perspective and not make a big thing out of a small mistake?
6. Love keeps no record of wrongs: Do you forget quickly or do you remind others regularly of their past mistakes?
7. Love never gives up, never loses faith and endures through every circumstance: Do you cover other’s mistakes and push through difficult times, or do you give up in the process?

Effective relationships begin when we aspire to become the spouse, friend or colleague that we wish to have in our lives. Instead of criticizing, rather seek opportunities to compliment and build other people up. You may be amazed at how it not only strengthens your relationships, but also causes other people to want to spend more time with you. God bless.

Father God, thank you for your guidance from your Word regarding effective relationships. Please help me to become the best person you have created me to be. I ask this in the Name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

** Benescke Janse van Rensburg is a radio DJ, freelance journalist and author of the books, Ontdek God in die stories van mense, Wysheid-oordenkings uit Spreuke and Hoop in tye van nood-oordenkings uit Psalms. Or visit her website at www.benescke.co.za